When I told one of my close friends this story over lunch her response was to shake her head and ask, "Why on Earth do you go and meet with these men?'
This isn't something I haven't asked myself a million times but the answer is fairly simple: curiosity. At first my blog was simply a way of conveying stories about funny situations to my friends but now I think of it as a kind of experiment in sexual anthropology. So when this guy contacted me a few months ago, it took a while for my confidence to build enough to match my curiosity.
Like many guys on online dating sites, it took all of two minutes for the conversation to gravitate towards sex, but this conversation was different, this chat bypassed kinky and took the fast track to freakville. He was into B.D.S.M. which stands for Bondage, Dominance and Sadomasochism.
Usually, I hear from people who like a little tie me/them up action or the occasional spanking or fingers tightening in the hair without severe pulling. However, this guy was different, his sexual palatte included sucking on toes, collars and leashes and other bodily fluids from pee to puke. Which is in large part why it took me months to actually meet with this guy at all.
Finally after a number of exchanges, including more mild and informal chatting, he wanted to make me more comfortable and offered me the reins... I would be the dominant... the dominatrix. Before taking him up on the offer, I said the pace had to be mine and that he already knew my limits when it came to bodily fluids, but that I would see how it went.
Then I got a text that nearly made me cancel. It read: "Can I wait for you naked in my collar and leash mistress?" Er... No. You can't. The idea of props and costumes (or lack there of) doesn't bother me as such but role play to me always feels silly.
I want to make sure that is perfectly clear, although much of my blog may seem judgmental, which in part let's be honest, it is, I don't think any of the people in my dating catalog are bad people, just that their approach or what turns them on is not what turns me on and the situations and conversations that we've had to establish that we weren't suitable for each other are rather funny to me (and hopefully to my friends).
Without going into too much detail, I tried my best to be a good dominatrix by de-humanizing and controlling this gentleman, however, I think I failed abysmally. Something about the idea of inflicting non-pleasurable pain or treating another human being as a toilet-even if they like it just didn't work for me, and unfortunately, I am no closer to understanding why or how it works for him and in that respect we were both left unsatisfied when I left.
