Heather goes to Madrid

Written 2009
Happened 2008

Before heading back to the US of A on a permanent basis, I decided that I would take full advantage of my being on the other side of the Atlantic one last time and booked a whirlwind tour of the places that I should have visited back when I was an exchange student. I spent 3 weeks flying with cheap airlines and staying in youth hostels, living on a diet of architecture, language, culture and art, eating when I was hungry, resting when I was tired and just meandering from place to place at my own pace, and of course sampling more than my fair share of alcoholic beverages.

I had been in Madrid for three days and was due to fly to Barcelona the next day. I hadn't made great friends with anyone at the hostel in Madrid, but I got talking to some very young surfer-looking Dutch boys and though it was against my better judgement, they convinced me to come out on the hostel pub crawl with them. While in the lobby waiting for the group to get organized, I over heard some fellow American accents and we introduced ourselves, the two guys were from Green Bay- small world.

I had more in common with my fellow midwesterners than the Dutch boys (who were too busy chasing women to chat with me anyway). So by our seventh or eighth drink we find ourselves at this packed club and I overheard the MC saying "we're still looking for some more lady dancers for the contest up here on stage, the prize is 50 euro." Then he started introducing the ladies one at a time as they told him what country they were from.

I handed my drink money to one of the Green Bay twins and made my way to the stage- I like to think I'm a fair dancer, but when I'm drunk I'm sure I'm amazing at damn near everything. So I climb up on stage and he asks where I'm from and I say USA and he closes the entry. Then announces that the line of ladies that I had just joined were all participants in a wet teeshirt competition. Whoops.

Rather than be a spoil sport or worry about saving face in front of a room full of drunk strangers that I would never see again, I decided to just go with it... as the saying goes, when in Rome, you know the rest. The MC then pulls out a bottle of tequila and starts pouring shots into each of the participants mouths, being last, I ended up with more than my fair share and started dancing early in effort to get the crowd cheering for me early on in the competition.

Sadly, USA did not take the title that night because Miss UK had been wearing a dress and therefore competed in just her knickers and the skimpy white tank top, that is, until she took the tank top off completely and well, I just couldn't compete with that... or better stated, didn't want to.