Heather and the set up

By sending out a simple text expressing my lament for the lack of male companionship, (i.e. "I need a man") my dear friend offered to fix me up with another singleton, saying that if nothing else, the date could be more fodder for my blog cataloging all of my dating disasters.

My friend sent me a picture and I agreed that she could give him my phone number, which he promptly phoned about an hour later. He was jittery and talkative and said he was trying to be assertive because he was normally way too shy for this kind of thing- calling a complete stranger to try and set up a date. I reassured him that I'm not that intimidating and he should just relax, which he follows up with "okay, well how about this, come roll around with me for about 25 minutes and if you don't like me you never have to see me again."

If your mind went straight to the gutter on that one, you're not alone. I asked for clarification and he explained that what he meant was to offer me an alternative date of sorts. If I wanted to ride along with him while he hauled sugar beets it would be better than if we met up at a bar or cafe instead and "stared at each other awkwardly trying to make conversation."  I politely declined that offer for the same reason that I declined scrot guy's offer to go to his house for a massage. Safety and common sense often dictate my decision making (unless of course there's alcohol involved- then I seem to do the opposite, but I digress).

I agreed to meet him the following night after he worked a 12 hour shift but before hanging up, he stipulated that he was not interested in meeting someone who was "keeping their options open" as he phrased it. I wish I could say I wasn't fazed by the request for exclusivity but usually, I'm on date 4 or 5 by the time that question comes up and not minute 24 or 25.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a particularly good 12 hour shift and we miscommunicated time frames and destinations. He walked in looking better than his photo and smelling rather lovely (I do love cologne something fierce) but unfortunately, that's where the good points ended. After about an hour of trying to find common ground (which was like searching for land in the middle of the Atlantic ocean) we decided to call it a night and I pointed to my car in the parking lot and he mocked my choice of automobile. Seeing as it's a 2007 and brand new to me (though it was attacked by a little old lady only 4 hours after I purchased it) the car is pretty swish and I'm proud of it. If he hadn't already struck out, I would have added extra innings as if it were a recent Twins game. Long story short, he's a catch for someone else's net.