Heather gets a tattoo

Since the age of about 12 I wanted a tattoo. Well, that's not entirely correct, I was very conflicted about the whole thing because it's permanent- therefore requiring a level of forethought, commitment and endurance (these are all things I struggle with and consequently haven't had much previous success with).

I didn't want anything girly or cliche and I didn't want something that I could even fathom the idea of regretting later. Most importantly, I didn't want it in a place that my dad would see it.

So on January 17th 2008, I had decided to go and book an appointment. Circumstances, experiences and well, just a need to do something all contributed to the decision and I even had a tattoo buddy who was going to get ink with me. Just after I had finished production day for the magazine I worked for at the time, I walked into the tattoo parlor in Stephen's Green Shopping Centre and asked for the appointment. I figured I still had 3 days between Thursday and Saturday to change my mind and forfeit the 50 Euro deposit they needed to book the appointment but to my surprise, the man asked what I wanted and said rather than wait it would only take him 3 minutes to do and to follow him back to the tattooing area.

I selected the Chinese/Japanese symbol for strength and asked him to leave it as just the outline. Very glad that I hadn't decided to wear a skirt that day, I opened the fly of my trousers and pulled them down to show him whereabouts I wanted the calligraphy and he transfered the outline onto my skin right between the cute mole adjacent my navel and my hip bone.

After looking at the transfer in the mirror as per his instructions, I waited for him to say something along the lines of "last chance" but he picked up his needle in his gloved hand and started right in.

The sensation was odd, kind of like a bee-sting that I wanted to swat away for being annoying rather than pain. While sat there, or maybe later, I realized that tattooing and piercing are semi-tolerated forms of self harm probably on the basis that there's an economic interest. Societally we chastise people that hurt themselves intentionally and really that's exactly tattooing is, it punctures, scabs and heals just like any other wound of that nature. It had never before occurred to me that potentially the reason why we chastise people with tattoos is because they're pretty (or scary) self harmers.

The guy drawing on my abdomen wasn't kidding, he was done in three minutes. I looked down at the quarter-sized angry red skin and was far from disappointed. Unlike people who drag razor blades across their bodies to feel some form of control or release from emotional overloads, I now had a tiny symbol of what I think is one of the most important virtues that an individual could seek to attain- strength.

I've pondered adding to the little outline since several other virtues require strength- honesty, faith, love, wisdom, and kindness but I haven't found the commitment yet (or the cash). But every time I see that tiny piece of flesh that I damaged it reminds me that good things can come out of hurtful ones, and that led to thinking of adding a phoenix... but thus far, nothing has warranted that much self harm.