Secret Moments

While in Rome, as the old adage goes, you do as the Romans do; while in Holland on the other hand, I discovered that doing as the Dutch do can lead to very funny miscommunications and awkward moments.

It's a bit of a sore point for me, (and maybe U.S. citizens in general?) that I don't speak any languages other than English and really weak French. But honestly, unless you have grandparents or parents who immigrated, there really is no opportunity to practice and perfect those skills and time and again I hear from people who did learn their other tongue elsewhere end up with archaic and passe vernacular. In other words, we're doomed to botch the language either way no matter what!

At any rate, I decided try and place an order at the take away facing my friend's apartment using the little Dutch that I had picked up in my three visits to the Netherlands. I approached the man behind the counter and said, "two koketten and two fries, thank you," realizing quickly that I didn't know how to say "one with mayonnaise and one without."

The man replied in Dutch and I had to explain that I had used the extent of my Dutch when I ordered. He laughed and asked what sauce I wanted to which I replied, "one with mayonnaise, and one with vinegar if you have it?" He laughed at me and said no, as if I had asked something really silly but then said, "but perhaps you would like curry sauce or peanut butter on your fries" continuing to giggle as he lowered the fries into the fryer.

I couldn't tell if he was making fun of ordering vinegar (which is very common in England by the way and tastes way better on fries than mayonnaise or ketchup in my opinion) or if he was in fact trying to say something else but it came out peanut butter instead of Thai peanut sauce or something.  I stood there with the best smile I could muster and waited for my order.

The two men who were eating had obviously heard my exchange and one of them had taken interest in the American who couldn't order her meal with the proper dressing. But not in my recollection of any experiences, foreign or domestic can I remember a more bizarre opening line than "What... is... your... secret moment?"

Very confused and slightly unnerved, I turned around and said, "excuse me?"

The guy behind me smiled (with a bit of food stuck to his front teeth) and said, "it's written on your bag."

I looked down and sure enough in no larger than 12 point font scrawled between the handles of my canvas bag from Victoria's Secret, was the line "what is your secret moment?"

Rather than make that connection between myself and the famous undergarment store or it's catalogue (which I'm sure are recognizable internationally) I casually replied with, "Oh it is? Huh, I don't know I got the bag for free," glossing over the awkward question hoping he wouldn't notice.

He replied, "It's your bag and you never look at it?"
"Nope." I said as the man behind the counter handed over my purchase, and I briefly nodded at the inquisitive man on my way out of the shop and said "bye" hoping that he wouldn't follow, which thankfully he didn't.